If you are reading this blog and haven't read the blog that I posted last week, it will will make far greater sense if you go back and read that one first.
So..... One week on a silent retreat, with five others learning an ancient form of meditation. Well, as I said in my last blog, not talking, is a rather challenging thing for me. And I've gotta say, that was not the only thing that was challenged in the silence and introspection!
I have irregularly practiced some form of meditation over the last 20 odd years, but intentionally setting aside a committed in-depth and consistent practice for a week, twice a day, for long lengths of time, became, what I could only describe as a spiritual sledge hammer to my ego.
Of course this was not warmly received by my ego, and the inner tantrum that ensued ended up manifesting itself physically. My back was already causing me huge discomfort due to an old accident and recent strain, but by the third night at the retreat, I was contemplating leaving the next day to book my self into hospital from the agony I was experiencing. But there was more going on than I knew.
The teacher showed genuine empathy and offered healing in some of the breaks through the next day. The next day after that, it was like something had shifted. The pain had subsided significantly, and my meditations seemed to go to another level.
I was learning things about myself that I knew, but was not giving enough care too. I faced my truths, and exposed the lies. I could see the light of life, as the darkness of the ego was beginning to dispel, like an early morning cloud, dissipating under the blazing energy of the rising sun. I could perceive the inner light was making the ego so cramped it's only protection was to afflict my body in an attempt to stop me from pursuing this practice that was threatening the egos's very existence.
The experience, of course, can only be truly known by me.
When the time came to Leave the retreat, I found myself driving home with a deeper sense of awareness. This really exposed to me just how desensitised we have become to the rush, commotion, and urgency, that the vast majority of people seem to have, to get to the next moment. I could clearly see places and situations where care was taken, such as trimmed hedges and proudly kept properties; and where care was not, evidenced by rubbish laying around in gutters and pathways. I felt that I had become hypersensitive to everything. The numbness of so called 'REALITY' had lifted. With the eyes and ears of my heart wide open to all that was going on around me, I could see and understand that BEAUTY, TRUTH and COMPASSION, can only be truely known through the lens of self realisation and the subsequent eviction of the ego.
I am more convinced than ever, of my calling passion in life, to help others break free from their self imprisonment of the matrix that I calI 'UNREALITY'. With this conviction in my heart, I feel less shame in my weaknesses, and as I do, I seem to find a kind of strength in them.
I will be posting up as many blogs as my painfully slow typing will allow, and I hope that you will join me as we explore more ideas around a purposefully fulfilled and intuitively led life, that can generate happiness without attachment.